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Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I can’t dream.

  • Hoarse – poem

    This is about a woman who shouts at her life, who took her son and left her back. She doesn’t know what to look forward to, for she has no reason to wake up in the morning. Her tears enrich the garden, yet her pain is everlasting.

    HOARSE

    Everything looked normal
    The road was just as busy
    The buses were just as crowded
    The buildings were still standing
    But I had fallen.

    Everything around me was unreal
    It was as if I was living my own life
    And the catastrophes that hurt me
    Didn’t hurt anyone else
    And nobody cared about the person I cared for the most.

    I was awake every day
    To make something
    To do something
    To see my son smile
    But what is left of life
    Once all of its essence is sucked out
    By a passing life?

    What does the world want of me
    Once a half of my self
    Has been buried
    And can never be revived.

    Why is cruelty
    Constantly shoving me
    Under boulders of pain
    And expecting me to get up
    Without bruises.

    My tears are not wet enough
    My shouts can be louder
    I can scream till I’m hoarse
    And till water cannot quench me
    Or the lies I tell myself
    So I can sleep.

    The ship I’ve been sailing on
    Has begun to sink
    And I know I’m going to sink with it
    For my son is the anchor
    That pulls me down
    And he was but my life
    But he is gone.

    I cannot find anything to hold onto
    Everything I see
    Is sinking
    Every incentive I had
    To be alive
    All my work
    Is being blown away
    Like how the rain destroys a candle.

    My hope is a fire that I lit long ago
    But it is being put out
    My life, my all
    Is a memory
    And the present, which makes no sense
    Is no more.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/6SNbWyFwuhk

  • Time

    Time is the fastest train, whom we can never catch. We’re always late to the platform. Sometimes we are too early, and we end up forgetting about the train itself. We remember years as yesterday. Millions of moments as just a flash. We have never grasped time and gone where time takes us.

    Time is the kind of person who will leave you behind without a second glance. Time knows what is happening, but we don’t. We are always stuck in the future, or in the past. Our minds are like theaters, who play the same movie over and over again.

    We start off where we think time is, but we always lose track. Time drags us through a maze, full of obstacles and dangers. We surrender at times, and we are able to catch up. If we think about it too much, we get left behind. If we don’t heed time, we cannot keep up.

    It’s scary how years can fly by and we must have lived for a few days. We must have acknowledged the few days. The rest of the days are probably us groaning about time, and struggling.

    It’s almost like a marathon where time is always leading. Some of us are panting, some of us have started walking, some of us have flung ourselves on the ground and clutched stitches in our sides. In the end, we know that time will win, and we don’t feel like burning our legs and ending up in pools of sweat. We know the inevitable and we refuse to change it.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/Ai7sV3SSMIQ

  • Veils – poem

    I stretched my hand out
    For I’ve been blinded
    And I feel the veil
    The veil that separates truth from lies

    The veil won’t move
    It starts to melt into my hands
    It’s molten lava
    And ice
    At the same time

    I might vanish
    For the veil has power
    And its power is leaking
    Into the world

    I can’t stop it
    The end has always been inevitable
    But I never knew
    That we would die
    Of a veil
    That hid the rest of us
    From one

    I had always imagined us ending in another way
    Maybe we would fall fighting
    Or hang on in the hospital
    Or never wake up

    But we have done the fighting
    Returned home
    To find a veil
    Through which everything seems blurry

    We have hung on
    And managed to pull ourselves up
    We walked back, weary
    To trip on a veil

    We woke up
    We yawned, our eyes watered, we staggered and stumbled
    When we saw the veil

    And the veil separated everyone

    If we ever destroy that veil
    We might meet success
    Or destruction
    It’s impossible to say
    Since many of us don’t know that we look through
    A veil.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/B6EOsmCLVSM

  • Beauty

    We go on trips and holidays, and gaze at the mountains and declare that nature is true beauty. We look at clothes in shops and malls, and declare that the clothes are beautiful. We look at movies, listen to songs, read pieces and we come to the same conclusion, that life is beautiful and filled with beauty.

    We look at misshapen objects and frown or scoff upon them. We look at edges that don’t quite fit, at colours that don’t really match, at some layers of life that require some decoration or change or smoothening down.

    We look at something that blinds you, that is too great, too much to take in at a time. We look at these objects that have no place in life, yet they are the objects that make up life.

    These few things that are too bright, yet too dull. Too sharp, too blunt. These objects that are rough, and don’t hide truth under millions of blankets impossible to find, is what life lives for.

    We look at these objects, and feel its ruthlessness and vigour and we turn away. We don’t embrace the beauty in life, we mistake them for something else.

    If you were to see a vase pieced together after being broken, you wouldn’t look at it as having survived something. You wouldn’t spare it another glance. And that is what we do for the better part of our lives.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/y5dUcQXzJ40

  • Shackles – poem

    I am bound to this earth
    I am tied up with chains
    And thrown into a cave
    Expected to not scream
    Expected to calm down

    I am beaten
    And I have broken
    And I must mend
    While I’m imprisoned
    Since the worst is yet to come

    It is dark around me
    And everything is unclear
    No light dares to see me
    No weather greets me
    No feelings absorb me

    I am left, trying to figure out
    Where the sun went
    Where the moon vanished
    Why I was abandoned by days
    Why time kept on running
    But never told me where it was
    Leaving me behind to catch up

    It is almost cruel
    Of the world
    To erase my mind
    To leave me not knowing
    Anything

    I am chafing against these chains
    Struggling
    Losing my voice
    Losing myself
    Watching myself fall into an abyss
    No longer holding on to sanity

    I was tame
    Before I was shackled
    But now I’m wild
    The beast inside of me
    Has enveloped my world
    Has become me

    And that beast
    Is now
    Everything.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/X4Beud2UQCQ

  • The Usual

    We love to differentiate the usual from the unusual. We love stability and something we can hold on to. We love knowing that everything we do is usual, and that there is nothing wrong with the way we operate.

    It feels nice to tell someone that they shouldn’t be worried about the grey clouds. That just meant it was going to rain. That it is nothing out of the usual, rains come and go.

    However, if we see grey clouds in the sky that part to present a rainbow, that is unusual. Rainbows aren’t common and appear once in a blue moon. But here comes a rainbow, and that is unusual.

    We divide the usual from the unusual without a second thought. We don’t see that we are limiting ourselves. We don’t see that we are forcing ourselves to stop imagining. We don’t see that we unconsciously stop dreaming of things that are ‘unusual’.

    Later, we are told to dream. We are told to look beyond and do something that has never been done before. And we stop thinking.

    We stop thinking of the ‘unusual’.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/m4qXRqi-EZI

  • Suns set – poem

    If I could wake up before the sun did
    And gaze at the dark sky
    I would wake up every morning
    To mock the late sun
    Like he does

    If I could look at the sun setting
    And not feel myself sinking
    I would spend every dusk
    Staring out over the ocean
    To see a star fade

    If I could spend the whole night
    Staring at the stars without falling asleep
    I wouldn’t blink an eye at the cosmos
    And allow myself to be lost
    Till they all twinkle out

    If I could sit on the window sill
    And just look out at the roads
    Without losing focus
    I would stay there
    And never leave

    If I could go out and lie down
    With my hands spread out
    And my head lacking worries
    I would lie there
    Till someone picks me up

    If I could look at the world being created
    And manage to not die of awe
    I would watch it a million times
    And be as surprised each time
    Never running out of popcorn.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/xP_AGmeEa6s

  • A Gap – poem

    Sometimes time is still
    And nothing else matters
    While we freeze
    To admire life
    To think again

    There is always this gap
    That we sometimes find
    A gap between
    What we see and what is true
    Sometimes the gap is covered up
    Sometimes it is left unseen

    That gap is where we can stand still
    And not worry
    Since we don’t remember who we are
    Or where we are
    Or why we are

    We simply look at the gap
    At the world around
    And forget about the world inside

    Some of us find every gap
    Every moment to still time
    To still life

    While some of us ignore the gaps
    And do not imagine
    Life as what it is through a gap

    For when seen through the gap
    The world can be laid out in all hues
    But when seen without one
    The world is laid out in black and white

    The world is laid out in good and bad
    In right and wrong
    In zero and one

    But when seen through the gap
    Suddenly nothing matters
    The vast universe seems to overwhelm a person
    And one does not differentiate into yes and no
    But learns to absorb

    And while a gap is said to be good
    Too many gaps are frowned upon
    And should be hidden

    Sometimes everything is still
    And nothing moves
    And in that moment
    The most happens.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/qvkkLjSjG7E

  • Horizon – poem

    How is it possible
    To go chase your dreams
    Across the world
    When one has dreams
    That are too big to wrap one’s arms around
    And too quick to stop and achieve

    How is it possible
    To see the sun
    When it is blanketed
    By the thickest of clouds

    How is it possible
    To enjoy a day
    When a day is
    Dampening life
    And stopping you

    How is it possible
    To smile
    When the smallest of things
    Can drag you down

    How is it possible
    To stand up again
    Once you’ve seen the worse
    And you’ve seen the easy path
    That you can take

    How is it possible
    To forget that life is the horizon
    And each step towards it
    Is merely an illusion?

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/ZyQVK4tG4tY

  • Feather

    Everything is like a feather. It is there for a minute, right in front of you. But as soon as you lean forward to catch it, it is out of reach. Sometimes, that feather will fall down, and we can catch it before it is too late. Sometimes, that feather is whisked away to another city, that we don’t know about.

    Sometimes, we are able to catch that feather and we keep it close to us. But the feather is not free. It is bound to you, and you are bound to it lest it be lost.

    Sometimes, we jump and chase after an innocent feather. And we actually manage to accomplish the magnificent feat of catching the feather, after breaking out a sweat. We pant, and wheeze, and clutch the stitch in our sides. But it was worth it.

    Yet sometimes we think that another feather will be coming our way. Why go after the first feather? Won’t the second feather be just as great as the first? And like that, we let an opportunity pass.

    Those who have caught the feather will squander endless time admiring its beauty. They might forget about everything else, and set their minds to the one goal.

    And those who don’t have a feather will go everywhere. They will try out new things, in search of new feathers. They might forget about feathers and focus on what they already have.

    But, it is impossible to have both, a feather and none.

    Written by
    Milomi.

    Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/h43VqtlnV7U